embarrassing bodily functions in public
how do we handle these normally private functions? it depends on the context and whether we can get away with it.
nothing worse than thinking you can get away with it and then you're busted.
and nobody looks at you, though by association, you are the guilty party!
inbrain wanderings as i struggle with shopping at Costco (for non locals, it's a warehouse-style wholesale club store) 
omg! what are all of all these people doing here?... if you and you and you weren't here, i wouldn't have to park next to IKEA while going to Costco..is this the advantage of living in the 7th largest US city...what am i talking about? its always like that in Costco, even in Palm Springs....man, im coming through this aisle the wrong direction with my big-azz cart, move out the way, bitch...dam hes cute
but what's he doing with her? poor choice buddy, dump the tuna man...yeah boy, i'll be able to get out of this shopping trip without spending more than $100.00.... why did everybody (currently counting at least 2 people) buy a new mr. coffee? ... fewer carts in that line and plus i can check out the booty on that fine dreadlocked brotha....[i got this grimace on my face] im not ready to smile today, lady...what kind of fool walks into the produce area not wearing a coat? its freezing in there ... come on people, just waiting around for more whole roasted chicken and wings wont make them available to buy any quicker... im a dork, i got 2 cases of wine sitting at home already, i dont need this 1.5L [ yellowtail ] shiraz also, even if it is only $7.99...uh-oh, gaydar is going off, queen couple spotted in fab-u-lous formation at 9o'clock...didn't i just come in here for the lunch meat and the DHEA, so why the heck am i also buying this?...you straight boys need a haircut...ill be so glad when im out of this mess...my cashier is talking to my bagger about the tall guy who now works in the photo dept, "he's so nice"...the guy cashier one checkstand over makes a comment and my cashier says, "ok, that's it, we're through, the date is off..." and he protests, "but i already reserved the rooms"...[right--the upstairs suite at the club san diego: the one without the shower]....yeah, TC at work said he "has a problem with buying a card just so he can purchase stuff at a store, stuff you can get just about anywhere"...thank goodness im not overwhelmed by this place anymore..i have to pee so bad, and shes taking forever....
LOL...aren't random thoughts fun? It's amazing how the train of thought goes on a tangent when allowed to function freely. These thoughts will be even funnier when you go back and read them in a couple of months.
we had one the other day here in the building where i work. its one time when 99% of my colleagues actually move together in cattle formation. (certainly none of us think alike, although you might hear some groupspeak once in a while.)
exceptions:
people who question if this is a real fire drill.
people who were taking a smoke break on the roof and didn't hear the alarm.
i work on the 5th floor of a 6-story building -- well, i work there for at least the next few weeks (until i find my next technical writing/computer job paying more $$$ and considerably more challenging that my current sinecure).
loud sirens went off. the volume of the psychedelic/goa trance i was listening to on headphones drown out the sirens for a while... wasnt sure if it was a buzzer or another sound effect in the mix. i grab my sh*t and leave.
fire doors slam shut around the elevators, so we are all obliged to go down the stairs. like everyone else descending the clanky metal stairs, i cant remember the last time i walked down more than one flight of stairs in this building. groupwalk.
coworkers are talking, animated. no one is unhappy to be unexpectedly and temporarily forced out of their daytime caves. at this point, it doesnt matter that the building could actually be on fire.
if it were burning, i'd be S.O.L. coz i jetted out of there without taking my wallet, car keys, or jacket.
when we had a planned practice fire drill last year, everyone assembled in a predesignated area of the parking lot or the grassy knoll, according to company. (there are about four companies at my building.). building supervisors and office managers accounted for us, just like in elementary school. the exercise was timed to benchmark our bovine skills.
this year, we would have none of that organization. instead, a big mass of twenty- and thirtysomethings milled about in the parking lot under the winter southern california sun, soon before lunchtime.
i didnt hang out with the crowd outside. i heard by chance one building person say, "you can go back in now, false alarm." i was on the elevator back to my cave before the rest of the folks.
then there was the talk about the fire drill at the lunch the following day. "oh i knew it wasnt a real one." "yeah, that guy just stayed up on the roof and then came down, even though he knew we were having a fire alarm."
every workday morning, my alarm goes off, but i hit the snooze. and sleep and oversleep. guess ya have to be motivated to go into work on time and not fear discipline.but that's an alarm that i expect, because i (usually) set it before going to sleep.
my life has its share of false alarms. things that aren't what they appear to be at first, but which trigger a standard response.
the question is: am i prepared to handle the disappointment or joy that comes with accepting the real?
Joni Mitchell's always been my girl: her song "Amelia" from the 1976 album Hejira is a favorite. an excerpt:
Maybe I've never really loved
I guess that is the truth
I've spent my whole life in clouds at icy altitude
and looking down on everything
I crashed into his arms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm
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@TGH: stream-of-consciousness approach is as raw a writing technique as you can get. (my next s-o-c piece will focus on other raw activities. hehe). but im giving you the props man -- i first saw the technique in practice in your posting The Treadmill Ramblings.